Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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