youre lurking in front of me
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
