he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
