every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
