Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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