I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
