dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
