can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize