ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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