I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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