I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
where are my eyebrows?
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