Please, let me fuck your mom
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I want a musical about memes.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
