are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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