Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she looked like the before picture.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
