T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
