I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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