You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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