I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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