you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
