i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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