Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
high people should be assigned attendants
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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