u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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