I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
