I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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