I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
