I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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