she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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