Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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