and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
