were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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