meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
