We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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