Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
