When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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