I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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