So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
