I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
