i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
