everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
