I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
