Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
