No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
