...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I see more hoeing in ur future
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
