At least make sure they are 18
Why
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
