So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
