is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
