I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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