i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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