i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
