My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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