hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
