Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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