Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
