So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
