my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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