I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
