I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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