They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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