I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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