Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
