yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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