Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
