yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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