he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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