You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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