you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
