I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
