He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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