hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
