these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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