Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
