When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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