Just fell off a train. Bad.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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