oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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