either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
