Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize