You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
