i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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