My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
